Characters By Chapter
Kristian Fabricante
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| CH | FIRST NAME | LAST NAME | DESCRIPTION |
| Part I | |||
| 1 | Jared A. | Hansen | 16 year-old football & basketball player. Deceased. Aka: Jare. |
| Cheryl | Anderson | One of Jared's sexual partners. | |
| 2 | Karen Ann | McNeil | Richard's girlfriend. Valium addict. Currently in coma. Aka: Kare. |
| Richard | Doorland | Karen's boyfriend. Best talker of group. Football player. | |
| Wendy | Chernin | In love with Jared. A swimmer and choir member. | |
| Pam | Sinclair | A glamour vixen. Aka: Pamie. | |
| Hamilton | Reese | Jared's friend. aka: Mr. Hefton | |
| Donna | Kilbruck | A girl with walrus-crotch. | |
| 3 | Albert | Linus | The poor and quiet kid. A member of Photography Club. |
| Lois | McNeil | Karen's mother who's obsessed with owls. | |
| 4 | Dr. | Menger | Karen's doctor. |
| George | McNeil | Karen's father. | |
| Eileen | Richard's cousin. | ||
| Philip | Eng | Richard's English classmate. | |
| Scott | Litman | Richard's English classmate. | |
| Andrea | Porter | Richard's English classmate. | |
| 5 | Susan | The girl who loves to eat at Wendy's. | |
| Donald | Basketball Varsity Player. | ||
| Norman | The guy who's vain in his Varsity sweater. | ||
| Gillian | Broke her arm on Spring Retreat. | ||
| Brian | A car nut. | ||
| Sue | A girl who wants to live in Hawaii. | ||
| Noreen | A girl who wants to live in Europe. | ||
| Don | A boy who wants to make a million and be a ski bum. | ||
| Gordon | A boy who wants to be a Radio DJ in Australia. | ||
| Eggie | Nickname of Karen's car. | ||
| Scott | Pelps | Pam's archenemy. Secretly adored Hamilton from afar. | |
| 6 | Mr. | Philips | A manic-depressive wife beater. |
| Mrs. | Owen | Has a liver disease. | |
| Mr. | Pulaski | Perved his own kid. | |
| 7 | Carol | Doorland | Richard's mother. |
| Megan Karen | McNeil | Richard and Karen's daughter. | |
| 8 | Kevin | Richard's decision maker. | |
| 9 | Klaus | Pam's new beefy play-thing. | |
| Rick | A not-so talented photographer. | ||
| Charlie | Richard's golden labrador. | ||
| 10 | Cleo | A hiker. Hamilton's wife. | |
| 12 | Tina | Lowry | Richard's old classmate. |
| Scott (1) | A production guy in Los Angeles. | ||
| Jenny | Tyrell | Megan's friend. | |
| Skitter | Megan's up-to-no-good boyfriend. | ||
| 14 | Hillary | Markham | A prop lady living near Cleveland Dam. |
| Scott (2) | Richard's old high school friend. An actor of the coach character. | ||
| Barton | Richard's co-worker. | ||
| Mrs. | Kitchen | Hamilton's neighbor who lives in Unit 403. | |
| Dawn | Hamilton's next door neighbor. | ||
| Mr. | Huong | Hamilton's neighbor who lives in Suite 508. | |
| Part II | |||
| 15 | Teddy | Liu | Pam and Hamilton's friend. |
| Tracy | Pam and Hamilton's friend. | ||
| China | White | Overdosed at a Halloween Party. | |
| 17 | Cindy | Webber | Hamilton's computer date. |
| Raymond | Merlis | Karen's computer date. | |
| Keith | The single hair growing in the mole of Raymond's face. | ||
| 20 | Gloria | The TV show host. | |
| Paula | Pre-interviewer of the TV show. | ||
| Randy | Woman arguing with Gloria. | ||
| Jason | Gloria's assistant. | ||
| 21 | Mr. | Lennox | Richard's neighbor. |
| 22 | Captain | Dunphy | Richard's neighbor in West Vancouver. |
| Jerry | Dunphy | Captain Dunphy's brother. | |
| Mrs. | Dunphy | Captain Dunphy's wife. | |
| 23 | Ellaine | Bucanan | Lois's neighbor. |
| Gareth | An actor who is dead on taping. | ||
| Dorrie | The production assistant. | ||
| Sandra | Catering server. A plump forty-ish woman who was found dead. | ||
| Don | The director. | ||
| Randy | Skitter's car-fixing friend. | ||
| Scott (3) | Skitter's car-fixing friend. | ||
| Part III | |||
| 27 | Brian | Alwin | Jared's classmate from tenth grade. |
| Stacey | Klaasen | A girl Jared slept with. | |
| Jennifer | Banks | A girl Jared slept with. | |
| Annabel | Freed | A girl Jared slept with. | |
| Dee-An | Walsh | A girl Jared slept with. | |
| Jane | Megan's daughter. | ||
| 28 | Mr. | Tyrell | Jenny's father. |
| Mrs. | Tyrell | Jenny's mother. | |
| 34 | Linda | Jermyn | An old classmate of the group. |
