| Adeem |
Anand | YouTuber. |
| Bailey |
Andrews | Joan's nephew; lawyer. |
| Lise |
Carlow | Detective Inspector. |
| Libby |
Conquest | Adeem's colleague. |
| Cecily |
Fitzpatrick | Mabel's aunt; Mary's sister. Aka: Cess. |
| Mary |
Fitzpatrick | Mabel's mother. |
| Elsie Mabel |
Fitzpatrick-Waller | Narrator and protagonist. Aka: Mabel, Mad Mabel. |
| Fred |
Flintstone | Referenced. |
| Billy |
Harris | Mabel's former neighbor. |
| Damian |
Harris | Billy's father. |
| Dolly |
Harris | Billy's sister. |
| Lorraine |
Harris | Billy's mother. |
| Tammy |
Harris | Dolly's twin. |
| Audrey |
Hepburn | Referenced. |
| Brother |
Ignatius | Mabel's math teacher. |
| Rose |
Keaney | Mabel's neighbor who suffers from polio. |
| Rebecca |
Kenton | Real estate agent. |
| Mr. |
Loukas | Mabel's teacher and lover. |
| Margaret |
Mary | Mabel's home economics teacher. |
| Katie |
Maurice | Mabel's imaginary friend. |
| Lord |
Mayor | Runs a summer camp. |
| Cate |
McDonald | Died from polio. |
| Garry |
McDonald | Cate's brother. |
| Susan |
McGinty | Elliott's mistress. |
| Marilyn |
Monroe | Referenced. |
| Mr. |
Nguyen | Mrs. Nguyen's husband. |
| Mrs. |
Nguyen | Mabel's Vietnamese neighbor. |
| Lucy |
Ormonde | One of Mary's closest friends. |
| Peter |
Pantages | One of Mabel's neighbors. Aka: Pete the Greek. |
| Ishaan |
Patel | Mabel's nemesis and neighbor. |
| Linda |
Raiti | Senior attorney. |
| Italian |
Stallion | The creep. |
| Brother |
Stanislaus | Teacher. |
| Elliott |
Waller | Mabel's father. |
| Joan |
Waters | One of Mabel's neighbors. |
| Sarah |
Wills | Carlow's partner. |
| Amelia |
| Mabel's stepsister. |
| Anthony |
| Paramedic. |
| Arthur |
| Drunk man at the party. |
| Baldy |
| Detective. |
| Beanstalk |
| Christos's uncle. |
| Christos |
| Football player. |
| Daphne |
| Mabel's only friend. |
| Delly |
| Persephone's friend. |
| Dwayne |
| Mabel's postman. |
| Eileen |
| Kid in Mabel's neighborhood. |
| Greg |
| Policeman. |
| Hairy |
| Detective. |
| Jim |
| Ishaan's best friend. |
| Johnny |
| One of Billy's friends. |
| Katharine |
| Mabel's sister. Aka: Kitty. |
| Marilyn |
| Mr. Loukas's dog. |
| Meera |
| Adeem's wife. |
| Nugget |
| Ishaan's dog. |
| Persephone |
| Roxanne's daughter. |
| Rosalie |
| Kid in Mabel's neighborhood. |
| Roxanne |
| Sex-crazed single mother; one of Mabel's neighbors. |
| Sasha |
| Libby's best friend. |
| Shane |
| Roxanne's ex-boyfriend; Persephone's father. |
| Vanessa |
| Cess's best friend. Aka: Ness. |
