| Andy |
Brown | Low's neighbor. |
| Ted |
Bundy | American serial killer referenced. |
| Mr |
Cadbury | Farm owner. |
| Julia |
Child | Chef and television personality referenced. |
| Phil |
Collins | Singer and musician referenced. |
| Betty |
Crocker | Fictional cooking brand persona referenced. |
| Glennon |
Doyle | Top podcaster referenced. |
| Colleen |
Hoover | Author referenced. |
| Stephen |
King | Author referenced. |
| Nick |
Masters | Narrator and protagonist. |
| Sherry |
Masters | Nick's wife. |
| Susan |
Masters | Nick's sister. |
| Low |
Reed | Nick's love interest; podcaster. |
| Ms |
Simpson | Doubleday's editor. |
| Steven |
Spielberg | Film director referenced. |
| Mr |
Taylor | Old man who lives across the street. |
| Mrs |
Taylor | Mr. Taylor's wife. |
| Barry |
| Nick's friend. |
| Bob |
| A builder; Low's next-door neighbor. |
| Brandi |
| The blond girl. |
| Diana |
| Low's traitor roommate. |
| George |
| Loretta's parrot. |
| Harry |
| Movie character referenced. |
| Josh |
| Low's ex-fiancé. |
| Loretta |
| Nick's neighbor; Low's grandmother. |
| Mike |
| Low's date. |
| Rowan |
| Susan's daughter; Nick's niece. |
| Sally |
| Movie character referenced. |
| Sam |
| Susan's son; Nick's nephew. |
