| Abigail |
Adler | Protagonist and narrator. Aka: Abby. |
| David |
Adler | Son of Sam and Abby. |
| Sam |
Adler | Abby's husband. |
| Jennifer |
Aniston | Actress (referenced). |
| Jed |
Cofield | Executive VP of Marketing at Cuddles. |
| Robert |
Frisch | Abby's lawyer. |
| Cynthia |
Holloway | Monica's former roommate. |
| Denise |
Holt | Chief Marketing Officer; Abby's boss. |
| Jean |
Johnson | Monica's mother. |
| Monica |
Johnson | Abby's assistant; offers to be a surrogate mother. |
| Christian |
Louboutin | Fashion designer (referenced). |
| Professor |
McHottie | Sam's school nickname (referenced). |
| Brad |
Pitt | Actor (referenced). |
| Taylor |
Reynolds | Chelsea's real name. |
| Detective |
Sweeney | Detective in charge of Denise's case. |
| Quentin |
Tarantino | Sam's favorite film director. |
| Sonia |
Watson | HR staff member. |
| Chelsea |
Williams | Monica's roommate. |
| Selena |
Wong | Monica's OB-GYN. |
| April |
| Sam's student. |
| Ellie |
| Cynthia's other roommate. |
| Elsa |
| Receptionist. |
| Gertie |
| Abby's former assistant. |
| Jake |
| Abby's ex-boyfriend. |
| Jan |
| One of Abby's friends. |
| Janelle |
| Woman who was supposed to give her baby to Abby. |
| Patrick |
| Abby's work acquaintance. |
| Rick |
| Shelley's husband. |
| Sandy |
| Monica's high school boyfriend. |
| Shelley |
| Abby's best friend. |
| Sidney |
| One of Abby's friends. |
| Steve |
| Sam's friend. |
| Stewart |
| Advertising company owner. |
