THIS IS HOW YOU LOST THE TIME WAR
Characters - Alphabetical
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| FIRST NAME | LAST NAME | DESCRIPTION |
| Agent | Blue | One of the protagonists. |
| Mrs. | Leavitt | An educator. |
| Naomi | Mitchison | An author. |
| Agent | Red | One of the protagonists. |
| Georgy | Zhukov | World War 1 top commander. |
| Bess of Hardwick | A builder. Elizabeth I's friend. | |
| Caesar | A Roman General and statesman. | |
| Cherenkov | A Soviet physicist who discovered Cherenkov Radiation. | |
| Commandant | Red's superior. | |
| Emperor | The Emperor of Summer Palace. | |
| Garden | Blue's superior. | |
| Genghis | First Khan of the Mogul Empire. | |
| Hack | The great God. | |
| Lin | An incorruptible bureaucrat. | |
| Mackint | The AI at the boxy screen. | |
| Mary | Queen of Scots. | |
| Observers | Red's observer. | |
| Pizzaro | An explorer. | |
| Princess | A creature of Thorn and edge and flame at Blue's place. | |
| Queen of Ferryland | The schooner. | |
| Red's sister | Red's co-soldier. | |
| Server | The waitress at Meissen's Ming Dragon. | |
| Socrates | A Greek philosopher. | |
| Tawantinsuyu | The Inca Emperor. |
