Pro | Smith | Quirk | Ralph's
flat-mate/best friend. |
| Ralph | Mcleary | Protagonist. |
| Jason | | Ralph and Smith's
flat-mate. |
| Monica | | A Born Again Christian. One of Ralph and Smith's
flat-mates. |
| Rukhsana | | A woman who suffered an abusive arranged marriage. |
| Simon | | Ralph's flat-mate. |
| Rachel | | The girl with a skin condition. Ralph's
flat-mate. |
| Jemima | | Ralph and Smith's new
flat-mate. Aka: Jem. |
1 | Claudia | | Ralph's girlfriend. |
2 | Siobhan | Kasparov | Karl's girlfriend. A luxurious woman. Aka: Shuv. |
| Rosanne | | Karl and Siobhan's dog. |
3 | Shirelle | | The girl who falls in love with Ralph. |
| Cheri | | The girl Smith falls in love with. Karl's ex-lover. |
4 | Angel | | Karl's girlfriend. A luxurious woman. Aka: Shuv. |
5 | Pete | | The butcher at the meat shop. |
6 | Natalie | Wood | An actress. |
| James | Dean | An actor. |
| Diana | | Smith's assistant. |
7 | Stella | | Jem's friend and theatrical workmate. |
| Lily | | Jem's friend. |
| Lulu | | Jem's sister. |
8 | Ariel | | The girl who bought Ralph a jumper. |
| Valentina | | Oriel's dog. |
9 | Joe | Thomas | The guy Siobhan flirted with. |
| Martin | | Cheri's friend. |
| Giles | | Cheri's rich fiancé. |
10 | Paul | | Jem's close friend. |
| Greta | | Smith's ex-girlfriend. |
11 | Rick | De Largy | A producer. Karl's acquaintance. |
| Jeff | | Karl's friend. |
12 | Nick | | Jem's ex-boyfriend. |
| Jason | | The man who likes Jem. |
| Danny | | The man who likes Jem. |
| Clem | | The man who likes Jem. |
13 | Justin | Jones | The man who de-virginized Jem. |
14 | Tamsin | | Rick's friend. Karl's former dancing student. |
15 | Drew | | The girl who took Rick's virginity. |