Pro | Sal | Gabelli | Owner of Sal's Saloon. Sammy's boss. |
| Captain | Bokker | The South African merchant marine. |
| Eddie | Shu | Sammy's business partner. Aka: Eddie Moo Shoes. |
1 | Mrs. | Stitlton | Sammy's girlfriend. Aka: The Cheese, Tilly. |
| Sammy | Tiffin | Narrator and Protagonist. Aka: Two Toes. |
| Lois | Fong | A dancer at Club Shanghai. Moo's girlfriend. |
| General | Remy | A regular customer at Sal's Saloon. A high ranking official. |
2 | Mark | Twain | A famous novelist. |
| Glenn | Miller | An American trombonist. |
| Judy | Garland | An American actress. |
| Janet | Chang | A dancer at the club. |
| Jack | London | A novelist. |
| Edgar Rice | Burroughs | A novelist. |
| Tony | Cannelloni | A legacy member who invites Sal. |
| Alton | Stoddard III | A lawyer. A regular customer at Bohemian Grove. |
| Ronny | Biscotti | A member of Knight and Columbus. |
| Madame | Mabel | Owner of the whorehouse named "Bohemian Grove". |
| Pookie | O'Hara | A police officer. |
| The | Kid | Sammy's friend. |
4 | Thelonius | Jones | Bartender - Moonlight Jazz Club. Aka: Lone Jones. |
| Vinnie | | Myrtle's co-worker. A cook. |
5 | Bess | | Madame Mabel's bodyguard. |
7 | Milo | Andreas | Sammy's friend. The cabbie. |
| Jackson | Two | A boxer. |
| Doris | | The new waitress. |
| President | Roosevelt | The current U.S. President. |
| Cookie | | Sammy's neighbor. |
8 | Uncle | Mao | Moo's uncle. Aka: Uncle Ho. |
| Phil | | The cook at Five and Dime on Polk Street. |
10 | Bennie | | Sammy's co-bartender. |
11 | Lou | | The doorman at Club Shanghai. |
13 | Uncle | Albert | The kid's uncle. |
| Mrs. | Wong | The matriarch of Harmonius Cabbage. |
| Bronko | Nagurski | Myrtle's neighbor. |
14 | Jimmy | Vasco | The owner and master
of ceremonies at Jimmy's Joynt. |
| Butch | | The door dame at Jimmy's Joynt. |
| Mel | | The bartender at Jimmy's Joynt. |
| Pearl | | One of Jimmy's waitresses. |
15 | Bailey | | A secret agent. A high ranking official. |
| Hatch | | Bailey's co-agent. |
| Clarence | | Bailey's colleague. Potter's partner. |
| Potter | | Clarence's partner. |
16 | Bill | | A police officer. |
17 | Judges | Tiffin | Sammy's older brother. |
| Ruth | Tiffin | Sammy's sister. |
| Shirley | | Sammy's ex-girlfriend. |
| Samuel | Tiffin III | Sammy's younger brother. Aka: Skip. |
| Johnny | McElhenny | A soldier. |
| Max | Utley | A foreman. Sammy's former boss. |
19 | Mr. | Powers | Madame Mabel's customer. |
| Petey | | Sammy and Eddie's snake. |
| Jeff | | Mrs. Stilton's friend. |
| Rusty | | Mrs. Stilton's friend. |
21 | James | | Mrs. Stilton's former lover. |
| The | Moonman | The kid that Mrs. Stilton and Sammy helped. |